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I Could Write a Book

by david
Feb 6, 2001

I bet I could write a really awesome book. Seriously. I mean, I've got my own website, right? And I watch a lot of TV, so I've got lots of great ideas. Like I've got this one idea where this dude, he can like read peoples minds, and he uses his power to know what waiters are really thinking so he leaves super-accurate tips and stuff and it totally creeps out the waitstaff everywhere he goes to eat.

Or, I've got this one idea about this chick who works at a Dairy Queen, but she's really got this weird dairy allergy, like lactose intolerance like my cousin has but not, cause it makes her go slowly insane. Like she thinks everyone is out to get her and she gets real paranoid and shit. And she like starts to see wires and robot shit on her customers and she thinks they are robots and she like freaks out and attacks one and runs away. But, the shitter is, they are really alien robots, and they are using milk products to like cloud everybody's minds into thinking they are real people. And so they get the cops to hunt her down and throw her in jail. But, what they don't know is that this loner rogue cop is trying to cleanse his body, so he's only drinking like soy milk and whole juices and once she tells him he can see It too. And so he busts her out and there's this big car chase through Chinatown and they finally get away, but as they are driving out of town, they pass the is Dairy Queen and the guy at the drive thru nods at them all creepy-like and they realize its not over -- it will never be over. And in the middle somewhere they totally have hot sex, probably in a shower.

That'd be an awesome book -- you can't even deny it. Or maybe a movie.

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