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I'm Gay, I'm Frustrated, and I Don't Want to Get Used to It
by athena   January 23, 2004

So being the only gay person contributing to CSP (or the only "out" one, I should say, oh yes, you all know who you are), I feel like writing about gay stuff. The following will probably have no point and ramble here and there and on and on, so it's okay to read it piecemeal, when you're on the toilet, etc.

Recently David sent me an article by a right-wing whacko Christian defending those brave "soldiers" who kill doctors who perform abortions. This guy was going on and on and suddenly, out of nowhere, in talking about the heinous sin of killing unborn babies, he HAD to throw in how equally horrible homosexuality was!

I'm frustrated, to say the least. I know people are blind and ignorant, and that most decisions or beliefs people have come out of fear, mostly fear of the unknown. People believe in a "god" for fear that they'd have to look at their short life, where out of fear they probably didn't take the risks they should have to pursue their dreams. They hope to hell there's an afterlife. They desperately need this afterlife or reward of "heaven" so they don't have to look at themselves and see how they've pissed their life away, and contributed nothing to the world.

I understand fear of the unknown, of things you're not used to or don't understand. I'm from a small town in Missouri, about 3,000 when I lived there. And I remember judging people by their cover, people of different color and ethnicity, people with piercings or tattoos, people who dressed differently, because it wasn't what I was used to. So my first conclusion must be that people hate or are afraid of homosexuals because they don't know any and have certain ideas and stereotypes in mind.

I was reading a New York Times article that I knew would piss me off, and it did. It was an article talking about the recent Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling that said there is no legal reason to keep homosexuals from getting married. It is illegal to give a certain group of citizens rights and privileges and not give those rights to another. Whether I want to ever get married or not, it's the principle of the matter. I won't stand for anything less than full marriage rights. Not this appeasing domestic partner bullshit, which is "everything but", because that still implies that I am still lesser than, less deserving of, not equal to heterosexual people.

I know what people are afraid of. Let's get down to it. People in this society are sexually repressed. Men, I think, have more of a problem with homosexuality than women do. Straight men are terrified that if they're not looking, and if a fag is near them, they're going to end up with a dick in their ass. You may laugh, but it's true. It's the whole dick in the ass thing that freaks them out. Two dicks, two assholes, it's like some new math. But how many of them have begged women to let them fuck her in the ass? LOTS. How many straight men like a finger, butt plug or dildo in their ass for that prostate stimulation? How many men would like to experiment? LOTS. But if a straight guy went to a party and told his straight guy buddies, "Yeah, I sucked dick and took it in the ass for a while, but it was just a phase," well, good luck with them being open to that. Some don't want anything in their ass, like my good, straight friend Dwayne, his ass is "exit only", but there's MANY others who do want that.

Why do women hate homosexuals? What is your problem? You have nothing to fear from gay men. They won't treat you as objects, they won't paw you in a bar, and they don't want to get their dick in you just to use you or get off. So you can't have a problem with them. Maybe it's the lesbians they're afraid of. Have they been chased by a lesbian with a strap-on? The worst thing that could happen is that they meet a lesbian who wants to go down on them for hours and then hold them afterwards and talk about their feelings. Need I say more? And don't get me started about men and two women. You ALL think that's hot, whether you admit it or not. You just get pissed when those two women can a) beat you at arm-wrestling and b) don't want your dick in the equation.

So what's the fear? In that Times article a woman said that if she had gay neighbors she wouldn't let her kids go over there because homosexuality can be "acquired." I just want to punch that woman. I don't want to get to know her, I don't want to reason with her, I just want to hit her. That's my frustration with the sheer ignorance. My parents were straight, but I didn't acquire that. The books I read were always from, about, and as far as I knew, written by heterosexuals and imposed a view of a straight-only society. That didn't change me.

Then there's the whole god thing. And the "I don't hate the sinner, just the sin." I don't even know how to respond to that. Be gay, just don't act on it? That's the direct result of a sexually repressed society thinking it's okay and healthy to suppress the most powerful driving force in nature. I can't even get into how many problems are manifested in this society by the suppression of natural, HEALTHY (I don't mean the rapists or child molesters) sexual desires. All I have to say is "judge not lest ye be judged", "love thy neighbor as thyself". Hey all you homo-haters out there. If a man loves a man...hell, if a man fucks a man or a woman licks another woman's pussy, and if it's between two consenting adults, how does it effect your life? Oh, sorry, it makes you uncomfortable? Well isn't that your problem?

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I ask gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgendered (and that's one people REALLY can't deal with), for god's sake, be proud of who you are. You know, be OUT. Be happy with yourself.

But mostly I BEG the straight people. We homosexuals, being a minority, can't change people's perception and thinking on our own. We need more than tacit support. If you hear someone talking prejudice or hate language about gays, SPEAK UP. That goes triple for homosexuals themselves. For those of you who know me, or know someone else who is your friend who is gay, stand up for them.

My friend Dwayne is black, and I tell you whether he's around or not, if I hear someone say the word "nigger" in a 100-mile radius, I'm ready for a fight, because it's WRONG.

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