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justin, timberlake, nsync

Justin Timberlake Responds
in response to this CSP story

by eli   March 25, 2003

Dear Clark Schpiell:

First of all, let me say, I'm a fan! Yes, this is really me, Justin Timberlake! I just got back from a sultry afternoon of recording a new hit single, Boyz Can Get Tender Aureolas Too. Yeah, we're laying down those "tight" beats Chris Nett sort of likes and my voice is sure "funky" on that track, just the way he can somewhat tolerate. Like, we're going to be shooting a video soon for that, and they're going to use "morphing" technology to make me look like a giant asprin! It'll be "phat!"

But let me address a common misconception that Chris reported in his otherwise nuanced, intelligent assessment of *NSYNC: he seems to think that we are actually a "boy-band." Well, look closer, Chris! Underneath the makeup and flashy clothes, we're actually a very spry group of octogenarian Jewish tailors! My real name is Bernie. I'm glad that I could get this off of my chest, because it's been bothering me for some time, along with my pulled groin and shallow, irregular breathing.

Anyway, Christopher, if you're ever on Fairfax, and you need some pants, let me know. I can get you a very nice deal: velvet, pleats, you name it.

Hugs 'n' kisses,


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