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God's Tough Love
by dustin (as dictated by Joe Toledo)   September 12, 2005

hurricane katrina If people had just listened to me, everything would be fine right now. As it is, here I sit in my Ark all by my lonesome. Except for Hashim. He's my coon hound. His name means "crusher of evil," by the way. And that's what he does: he crushes it. You should really come over some time and watch Hashim crush some evil. What are you doing Friday?

Oh, yeah: I got two possums, a racoon, and a salamander on here, too. Forgot about that. I figure that's a pretty good food chain. Hopefully there's some sparks between the racoon and the lizard. But I gotta find me a woman, cause I ain't matin' with no possum, I'll tell ya that right now.

There's a nice-lookin 'gator keeps swimmin' by here, but I ain't been able to catch 'im just yet.

I'd been hopin this here flood would wipe out more sinners than it has. I have yet to read anywhere an accurate account of the number of sinners smited by this thing. Far as I can tell it barely numbers in the thousands. Pathetic. Come on, God: that is a half-ass job if ever I saw one.

But worse still, because of the liberal media's constant bitching, we've now got the President -- a good God-fearin man, by all accounts -- out there doin the Devil's work by trying to rescue these sinners.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm fed up with this kind of hypocrisy.

I mean, sure: he's doin all he can to bring about the Apocalypse over there in the Middle East, I'll give him that.

But what about here at home? What about OUR rapture, Mr. Bush?

At least he's not as bad as that Satanic Castro fella. That bastard is so anti-Christian he actually evacuated everybody before Hugo hit and pretty much granted amnesty to probly 20,000 or more sinners. I'm tellin ya, you don't thwart God's smitin' like that and get off scott free. Mr. Castro better be on alert, because God is pissed.

This interferin with the states by Big Government really gets my knickers in a bunch.

Now they're tryin to go down there and give away food to these people. And water. These people arent' even working, they're just sitting there in a goddam sports arena! In my day, we called that Socialism. (Pardon my French.)

This is all just a Liberal conspiracy to get more money for Big Government Federal Programs, like FEMA and stuff. But do you hear anyone pointing this out in the Liberal Media? Of course not! Why? Cause they're Liberals!

I even heard one Liberal saying something about how after the Tsunami it was hard to believe in God anymore. You believe that? I mean, read your goddam Bible, people! This is what God does! And thank God He does it, too! If He didn't wipe out all the sinners in some situations, we'd have to do it ourselves, and that would mean using nuclear weapons, probably. Is that what you want, Liberals? Huh? Is it?

God's doing us a service, and no one even bothers to thank him for it. And that's exactly why He doesn't love you anymore.

All this talk about "Evil In The World" and "Why Does Bad Stuff Happen To Good People" and blah blah blah and whine whine whine. Goddam namby pamby pinko liberal atheistic horse shit. Pardon my French again.

Anyway, if the Federal Government really wants to help, they should get down here and help me with my Ark. I mean, God's helpin, but He can't do everything, for the love of Pete.

I'm too angry to even talk anymore. I could go on all day.

Anyways, I gotta go catch me some mosquitos pretty quick here -- there's lots of bugs hangin around, so that shouldn't be no problem, but you know what they say about Idle Hands, anyway. I s'pose if God decides He needs to spread some more diseases, though, at a later time, He can just create more mosquitos later on. And locusts -- son of a bitch, I forgot to get me some locusts.

And when that's done, I think I'll go for a nice swim. They wouldn't shoot a man for skinny-dippin, would they? I kinda liked it better before the government started pokin their noses into my private business. It's a sad day when a man has to take his fire-arm with him just to do a little swimmin.

I'm startin ta think I might just have a tapeworm or two. I'm so hungry I could eat this here possum. But I better wait 'til the little ones are born, and eat them instead. By that time my tapeworms maybe will have started a little family, God bless 'em.

The circle of life keeps on a goin, just as the Good Lord intended.

Well I gotta go, but before I do, God told me to pass this message on to you, California: Watch Your Back, Faggots.

-- Joe Toledo, New Orleans LA

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