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the Online Journal of Linus Erickson
part II

by joseph
April 1, 2001

April 1, 2001

I was taking my nap this afternoon, and I don't know if it was just because I was high or if it was that cheap champagne which'll do it every time, but I had the weirdest dream of my entire life! And believe me, as those of you old-timers know, I've had some real doozies.

This dream I had this afternoon, I was totally expecting to dream about money or cookies or young girls or something, and I just say that because right before I passed out there was a knock on the door and while I usually don't answer the door during the day, or really at night either, I was in one of those "Just do it" kind of moods, figuring that whatever happened I'd had enough of that cheap champagne (get the Brut or the Extra Dry because it has more alcohol by volume!) that I probably wouldn't remember anything anyway. Well, it was this little girl wearing this tight jeans and she had that great prepubescent skin some kids do, and you just knew she was gonna be real smooth when she grew up, and when I first saw her I was wishing she was a lot older or I was a lot younger but by the time I got rid of those thoughts and kind of dealt with my eyes freaking out because of all the light outside, I realized she had this big-ass box of cookies, and I really needed something to eat right then and so I stopped thinking about her soon-to-be-smoothness and started focusing right on those cookies. She asked me if I was interested in buying some, and I figured a box of those bad boys would go down really good so dug out my credit card but she wouldn't take it. Well, I berated her for that, I mean, if she's going to be in retail she's simply got to get with the 21st century here, but she just shrugged and since she was so cute I let it drop (don't you hate that? Cute people should get yelled at just like everybody else!) but the thing was then that I tried to get her to give me the cookies and then I'd pay her later, but she said she wasn't allowed to do that and I thought for a second what would she do if I just grabbed a box of Peanut Butter Sandwiches and just slammed the door shut and locked it? But she probably had a dad with a gun or a mom with a gun or maybe even she had a gun, you never know, and I didn't have a gun, so I just said sorry and shut the door and that really pissed me off but what I'm really telling you about is the dream I had when I finally went back to the couch and went to sleep.

In this dream, I was a screenwriter which in a way is true because as a lot of you know I'm constantly coming up with ideas for movies, and movies that some of you even written and said would be really good and make me lots of money (and then I could have bought those cookies‹HA!). But in this dream I'm at Tom Hanks' office, and I guess he has like this big office with a reception desk and then he's in a walled-in office in back but there's a big reception area and that's where a bunch of us are sitting and waiting for our appointment to go back and tell Tom Hanks what movie idea we have that we think he would be really good in! And then if he likes it (and he doesn't like a whole lot, he's just one actor after all) he says "Go write it, I like that one very much, that will be my next project" and you get a nice big check and then you take a year or so to write it up and then you get more money for it after that and for the rest of your life. But I was realizing sitting in the office that I've never had an idea for a movie that Tom Hanks would be good in. But I did have that idea for that breakout movie for Michael Ironsides and maybe Tom could play his brother the dentist, and it would be funny because of all the dentistry he'd have to do on members of alien races!

So I told him about that idea and he liked it a lot and said he wanted me to meet a friend of his, and I left his office and who was sitting there except Bruce Willis? Bruce looks at me and says "I want you to meet a friend of mine. He's called the Funky Monkey. Maybe he could be your monkey." And I was thinking, it'd be great to be hanging out at a bar with Bruce and Tom and Bruce's friend Funky Monkey and run into my ex-girlfriend and have her see me hanging out all suave with people of this caliber. But that's when I woke up.

When I woke up, though, I felt really good and energized. I've decided that this next week I'm going to try to find a job again, and this time I've even decided that I'll change my criteria if I have to, like even though my experience is in Nin64 games, I'd consider doing something with a Sega outfit if otherwise it seemed to be the right fit, like offering a lot of telecommuting and flexible hours. I'll keep you posted right here. Don't miss it!


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