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What Are We Reading?
a glimpse at the private intellectual lives of the CSPers

by david    June 3, 2002

Dr. M:
It's hard to find books I'll enjoy, since I mostly only read and write in binary code. Barnes & Noble just doesn't carry may books in binary, so I have to do a lot of special-ordering. My favorite is "011010." A fascinating, fascinating book.

Right now I'm deep into J. Michael Strazinski's "Rising Stars" comics. I really only read comic books. In fact, reading more than a couple of hundred words without seeing a picture really fucking freaks me out. I tried to read Harry Potter, and my left leg went numb. Seriously. I spent a couple of hours pouring over old Transformers comics, and I was fine.

I don't read. I have TiVo.

I only read my own work. I think that reading something -- anything -- authored by another, most likely less-talented, writer only taints my creative process. In fact, I won't read this story. I've heard David is a hack (I haven't read any of his stuff, so I don't know for certain, but I suspect it is true), and I'd hate for his clumsy use of the English language to adversely affect my considerable skills. Currently, I'm enthralled by my short novel "Abacus." I am a fucking genius.

The Strategy Guide for Freedom Force is really awesome. Like, in this one chapter, it tells where I can find a power-up in a dumpster right next to the initial battle. It's guarded by a gangster, but he's not too tough. It's totally cool, because I never even noticed it the first 71 times I played the game, and I totally needed that power-up 64 of those 71 times, and I had to curb my heroic duties in order to find one and now I know exactly where it is so next time I don't have to waste any of the MinuteMan's precious bad-guy bashing time!

I'm just finishing up Dostoyevsky's "The Metamorphosis." Really an amazing read -- it changed my life, and my entire outlook on war and the economics of eastern Asia. It ranks right up there with Dickens's "Heart of Darkness," which really helped me to understand how the slave trade in colonial America affected the plight of the underprivileged urchins on the streets of Dickensian Dublin. Yeah, I've read pretty much all of the classics -- it really makes me a more profound and interesting person, and helps me gain respect in important social circles. I think I'll read Ulysses S. Grant's "James Joyce" next -- I hear it's a stunning biography of an important Central American revolutionary.

I'm reading "The Sensitive Man's Guide to Relationships." Actually, I'm not so much reading it as holding it open in public places where hot women will walk by and see me "reading" a book about sensitive men. They sit right down next to me and strike up a conversation. A lot of times I don't even have to look up -- they just hand me their phone numbers, or slide them into the book. I'm telling you, it's a goddamn chick magnet. It's how I met my wife in the first place, and it still works like a charm.

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